


Gensokyo 20XXI: The Outside World, Winter of Sorrow and Year of Uncertainty

by Amoridere



Series: Gensokyo 20XX [2]
Category: Touhou Project
Genre: AU Fic, Dark fic, Gen, Other, Woobie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2018-02-11 00:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 59
Words: 21,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2045403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amoridere/pseuds/Amoridere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fanfiction that switches POVs in accordance to some chapters with haiku summarizing what may happen. It goes like this, after awhile of living in secret after escaping a now nonexistant Gensokyo, someone pulls discovers their ruse, throwing their lives in turmoil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Uncovered Ruse

Apparently, someone uncovered our ruse, when they managed to pull of Ran's veil one night, discovering her ears, and we weren't given much of a choice in going into hiding and changing our looks. I remember that night when Yukari had awakened us, saying, "Girls, hurry, wake up!" She and Ran had quickly ushered us into the bathroom, Ran informing us that we must change our looks. Within no time and with a quick and steady hand, Chen, Flandre, Yukari, and Ran's hair was dyed and mine was put into cut shorter. When I inquired on why hair wasn't dyed, Ran explained, "People already think your hair is an unnatural color, so, if they see you, they'll think you were different person." After we had altered our looks and alerted the others, Yukari with tears in her eyes said, "I'm sorry dears but we have no choice but to separate." At first, Ran tried to plead but then said, "Alright then, I'll take Flan and Chen and you'll have Reimu and the bunny." Yukari reassured her that we'll be together again, while brushing her light grey locks. We all hugged each other and said goodbye, vowing to meet again.

We hurried away, onto a rural path, Yukari saying, "Act natural and pretend we are just an elderly lady and her granddaughter." Now, I remembered why she picked grey to dye her hair with, as to better disguise herself with, as some youkai don't physically age but has been around humans long enough to know that telltale sign of aging would be grey hair, thus she dyed it grey. She bent over, putting almost all of her weight on her cane and started to walk, pretending to have a hunched back. As stupid as it was, I wondered why is it she didn't disguise herself as something else, as I think it is virtually impossible for a very powerful youkai like herself to hold the facade of being a senile infirm elderly lady. We continued walking on that path, acting natural to the best of our abilities. As to be expected, people were out looking for us. We continue on, until we reached an abandoned house in the forest. She explained to me that we were going to hide here for the time being and, if time and circumstance permitted it, we would go out and look for Ran, Chen, and Flan. Naturally, I cried at that because we didn't know where they were and the chances of finding them, especially in this country, very slim.


	2. Aokigahara

Separating from Reimu and Yukari was something that shattered my heart but it was something that had to be done. After we separated, I gathered Flan and Chen into my arms and ran into the forest, not knowing where the hell we going. It didn't matter, we had to live and avoid capture. At first, Chen gave the idea of hiding out in a human village to which I shook my head and answered, "I human has already seen me so we cannot take any chances. She then suggested a shinto village, to which Flandre pointed out that they may find us there. It didn't really matter at that point but what did matter was that we had to evade capture. Of course, I did remember Yukari speaking of a place where only suicidal or thrill-seeking humans dared to go and that was Aokigahara.

At first, I was hesitant but we had nothing to lose from going there. We ran for miles on end, narrowly avoiding any place where humans would be until we were deep in the woods. Fortunately, we did find somewhere to take refuge, despite it being having a few bones and skulls around. Nevertheless, I would have to make the best of it until we can be reunited with Reimu and Yukari, if they were not captured. Then again, Yukari is fairly good at putting up a ruse, so she might not be captured so easily, as long as she and Reimu pretend to be an elderly lady and her granddaughter. 

* * *

>   
>  _Little old house_   
>  _It is such a decrepit old house!_   
>  _Our home now_
> 
>  


	3. Decrepit Old House

The next morning was uneventful and Yukari concluded on staying in a near decrepit old house that was shrouded by shrubberies. If thinking about Ran, Flan, and Chen wasn't on my mind, then food was. Fortunately, there were some wild radishes growing around our new dwelling. Yukari did point out that she often doesn't like eating radishes by themselves and would much rather have them pickled but she affirmed that she wouldn't complain. However, to save resources, she told me she would much prefer to not always eat and, right now, she was prefering to save her radish for dinner or, at the most, the next day. Naturally, I didn't judge her decision, as Ran did the same thing and is probably doing that now with Chen and Flan. Hopefully, the others were okay, though I have a feeling they were captured. What had happened now was not like the last time, not at all. The last time, according to Yukari, they drained their powers, starved, or worked them to death and, this time, they might perform experiments on us.

As I gathered up radishes, Yukari decided to make the house liveable and clean it up a bit. Throwing her gaps about, managed to snag up few things, one of which being something that would make a nice curtain, being if it was ragged. She spend almost the entire morning prettying up the house, adding even a cooking stove. "You will eat your radish cooked." she proudly declared. She also managd to gap a radio and was tinkering with it. Afterwards, her behaviour grew strange and she never gave me answers as to why.


	4. Grim News From a Radio

This morning, I decided to skip breakfast. I couldn't have picked a better house, though, it could use a bit of prettying up. Taking matters into my own hands, I decided to do so, at least making it livable. I threw my gaps around procuring a few things, one of which being something I could use a curtain and a cooking stove. If we were going to stay, then we might as well make it livable. I wanted Reimu to at least have her radish cooked and to at least sleep on a bed. Of course, it wasn't only resources that were on my mind, rather it was the rest of our little family and the impending winter. I could feel it, the air was getting colder. In order to figure out what was going on outside of this forest. I managed to gap back home and grab a battery-powered radio. I had spent a bit of time tinkering with it to get a signal. After about fifteen minutes, I managed to get one. In listening to it, I had grabbed Reimu.

On the radio they had said,  _"Attention, Attention, this is important! If there are any sightings or suspicions of youkai, please report to the Youkai Collection and Capture Agency."_  I was terrified and I knew I have to find Ran, Chen, and Flandre very soon but that left me at dilemma: _Should I take Reimu or leave her behind?_  Seeing the circumstances of how dangerous it was, I was faced with leaving Reimu, something I didn't even want to do, but, if I take her, I cannot guarantee her safety or survival. Every night, I had gapped food items from around and took to skipping meals, allowing Reimu to grow worried. I could never tell her why. I had to hold off on telling the truth.

* * *

>   
>  _The dear kitsune_   
>  _An endearing romance she pursues_   
>  _It will end soon_

 


	5. Ran's Romance

In living in our little den, I tried to make things easier and that often involved singing them lullabies. Nevertheless, I had to obtain food. Since Aokigahara was a place of death, it wasn't hard to find some sort of currency, as people often ended whatever troubles there were here, though, I felt awful for grave robbing but I'm sure they would understand as, I wasn't doing this for greed. Whenever did obtain some money, I would often go farms, inns, and or shops at night, swipe what I could, and leave the currency behind. Whatever food I had, I gave to Flan and Chen. On one such occasion of night-shopping, I had met a kitsune. At first, I didn't think there were any other kitsune in the Outside world, not in the region I was, anyway.

Nevertheless, I felt my heart flutter and my eyes grow large. I was lovestruck by this kitsune and I am sure he was just as interested. Soon after meeting and after I had fed Chen and Flan, we took to spending time together, a lot of time together. After awhile, he didn't resurface and, to my upset, I found my companion was run over by a car. At least, I felt better knowing I had given him a proper burial. However, I had something on my mind during this period and that was that my dress had grown a bit tighter, though, as far as I knew, I was getting fat.

* * *

>   
>  _The ancient youkai_   
>  _must go on a journey leaving behind_   
>  _her human child_


	6. Leaving Behind her Little Human Child

After awhile, the winter did indeed come and I had to tell Reimu the truth. Holding her hands, I said, "Now, Reimu, I need you to stay here. I am going out to find Ran, Chen, and Flan and, when I have, I will bring them here but I don't know how long I will be gone. Now, now, you mustn't cry, my sweet, I cannot bring you with me because I cannot guarantee your survival or safety and a long and arduous trip would prove to be hard on you." I let go of her hands, threw a jacket around myself, kissed her on the forehead, and left. As I left, I tried my hardest to fight back tears, though, I knew it was best or at least I had hoped. Pretending to be traveling old woman, I had started on my journey but didn't even know where to look. They could have fled anywhere and would more than likely to avoid places where humans may frequent. Anywho, I could also use this time to get any news about what was happening. Hopefully, Aya could offer me any, after all, she did lose her ability to fly, thus causing her wings to shrink and drop off after they were badly broken while we were imprisoned. Of course, Aya was still hiding amongst humans, working on her Gensokyo Column and had left one of her messenger jackdaws out. Naturally and being this one was my least favorite as well as stupidest of the two, I concluded on going to her later, rather than quarrel with or have my head pecked on by that unreliable bird that has yet to be put in a soup.

Pretending to be just a common old woman or, maybe, a looney one, I wander about Tokyo, silently swiping a few apples and piece of cake. Nevertheless, I kept mindful of the task at hand and decided to go yo Yuyuko's apartment just above the restaurant in which she was mascot. She too was hiding amongst humans and naturally they just assumed she was just a really fat human. I found I was to get no answers from her either as she was competing in sumo wrestling. Nevertheless, I continued on, hoping Ran, Chen, and Flan weren't buried by the snow.

* * *

>   
>  _Such pretty snow_   
>  _In this cold monochrome world_   
>  _In the winter_
> 
>  


	7. Monochrome World

I don't hold it against her for leaving me, though I do hope for her come back with Ran, Chen, and Flan so we'd be together again. At least, I know the truth as to why she pushed off her mealtimes, refusing to eat.  _Sometimes, Yukari, you can be an old fool, a well-intentioned old fool!_  It was shivering cold and I had to lie under those blankets. It didn't matter if she had brought me with her or left me behind because neither one could guarantee my survival. Nevertheless, I do not hold it against her, as she did what she's had to do. If I were to freeze to death tonight, I would never hold it against her. An hour passed since she left and I have yet to move from this spot. I was better off staying here not moving, looking at the pretty snow outside. Right now, I would much rather not eat and I didn't even think to light a fire. Of course, I wasn't willing to draw attention and someone might take notice to the smoke in the forest. As my eyes started to close, I started to hum Yukari's lullaby.


	8. Coming Back Home

The winter did indeed come and I was still bloated in my abdominal area, although it became apparent that I wasn't really fat and Flan and Chen started to sense it, too. Actually, it seemed they were more than willing to share with and give up food for me, Chen even giving up her treasured can of unopened sardines that she's saved for a long time. Apparently, they knew I needed it more than they did, even though I didn't know why. Over time, I started to catch on to what was happening and it turned out that wasn't getting fat, instead, I was expecting. My unexpected pregnancy brought on more concerns. I was worried about Flan and Chen and Yukari and Reimu (and the bunny), along with the fact that I was now expecting.

After awhile, I decided we should look for Yukari and Reimu. During the night and using the evergreen forests as cover, we opted homeward. The traveling in itself took along time. The winters were different than being in what is not a fantasy land Gensokyo. Of course, the house we once lived in was empty and the windows were boarded up, causing us to push on. We continued on, until I detected a familiar scent. Reimu's.


	9. Skeletal Arms

Even though there is large pile of radishes, I haven't bothered to cook and eat them, rather I have spent half of the winter lying where I was, under these blankets and looking at the snow, living off what fat reserve I had in my body. The fact that I didn't move from this spot since she left amazes me, though, I have noticed how near skeletal my arms were. Of course, I knew this to be the result of not eating, though I've lost most of the strength to move even an inch. Out of resignation, I concluded on staying where I was. I had been laying here for a month and a half, watching the snow fall, the sunrise to the sunset, and wasting away of starvation. It seemed the world was slowly turning monochrome and the uncertainty of fate swelled. For all I knew, Yukari had or was capture looking for Ran, Chen, and Flan, and that Ran, Chen, and Flan have probably died or were captured by now or maybe Flan or Chen had died as they as the elements are far harsher than they are in Gensokyo or got separated from Ran. Either way, fate is uncertain and my end is drawing nigh. Funny, I did figure I would succumb to something and starvation or illness was that.

* * *

>   
>  _In the winter_   
>  _The ancient youkai is entombed by_   
>  _tears of ice_


	10. Tears of Ice

I have been searching for any sign of Ran, Chen, and Flan and I have found no signs. Aya could give me nothing, as couldn't Yuyuko or, even Komachi the ferrier. The only things I could gather was the news that someone was breaking into shops and farms, leaving behind money and another of a hand-dugged grave for a kitsune. I did indeed find that odd and started to listen in on these baffling conversations. Both seemed to the talk of the town and it did give a me a couple of leads to go on. I went to the gravesite of said fox and found the rumour was confirmed. I followed the trail but it ran cold at a little place Aokigahara. Still, all trace of them was gone. I concluded on allowing the Sea of Trees to hold me in an embrace because I could not bare to go back to Reimu without Ran, Chen, or Flandre, especially since I promised myself I would find them and it was not I like I could go back to Reimu as she likely died of starvation or hypothermia as food is scarce and she can only do so much to keep warm. My dyed grey locks had turned as white as the snow and only frozen tears fell. I was done and thrust into despair, regret, and sorrow. I sure hope my dear little human child could forgive me for ever leaving her behind because I most certainly cannot forgive myself.

Bit by bit, a cocoon of ice started to envelope me and the world had turned monochrome. Nothing seemed to matter anymore and most of what I wanted to do by this point was die. I had nothing to go back to.


	11. Chapter 11

We continued on until we came across the place where I detected Reimu's scent. We had found her but Yukari wasn't there. I hurried over to her and gathered her into my arms, asking her what had happened. She explained that she had been laying there for a month and a half and that was when Yukari first set out to find us. She also explained that Yukari had yet to return and that she had to be left behind as her survival or safety could not be guaranteed. Nevertheless, leaving her here didn't guarantee her survival either, rather, despite the large amount of radishes, Reimu was starving, as well as freezing, which had compelled her to stay wrapped up in those blankets and surviving off of her body fat, thus she was virtually dying. We didn't know what to do. If we took Reimu to the hospital, then we would run the risk of being captured and the cold could kill her, as she's spend majority of her time, since Yukari left, wrapped up in a multitude of these blankets.

As I deliberated on what to do, Reimu looked around and said, " _At least, you've come back to me, thank you_." I had come to the conclusion that I would use the spells Yukari taught me to put her in hibernatory state for as long as it could be demanded, though I do hope that hibernatory state won't kill her. Placing my hand on her head and said, "Reimu, sweetheart, you will go to sleep for awhile, good night. When Yukari returns, only then shall the spell break and then you awake." She then yawned and fell asleep. I opted to at least prepare some food. Even though I felt awful about wanting to consume some of the radishes, I knew Reimu wouldn't have mind. I cooked a few of the radishes and asked, "How does radish and sardines sound?" Naturally, Flan and Chen shrugged and said, "Okay." We had our dinner though, our minds were one where Yukari could be but it became apparent that she wasn't going to come back anytime soon. A few days past, no sign of Yukari. After awhile, a thought started to sink in and that was that she may never return until she is either dead and or captured, Yukari isn't one to give up so easily until she's reached her despair event horizon. 


	12. Get Back to Reimu

In my cocoon of ice, was no more than the cold darkness and sadness that entombed me. Death had refused to come but a deep sleep did. From within the darkness, I heard a voice say, "Yukari, come back to me!" and then there was a flash of light. Suddenly the darkness turned in a field in the spring time with young Reimu standing on hill with her arms stretched towards me, saying,  _"Come back to me, come back to me, Mommy. Come back to us, Mommy."_  As her voice and the vision faded out, I started to awake and the cocoon of ice started to I was fully awake, the cocoon shattered like glass. I do not know how long I was asleep but I must have been asleep for a long time. At first, I wanted to die for not being able to find and bring home Ran, Chen, and Flan but then I realized that they might have made it home after all and it was I that was missing. Though, I'd never be able to forgive myself for leaving Reimu. Making my trip on foot, I ventured back to the near decrepit house where I had left Reimu.

Unfortunately, my trip proved to be near ill-fated as there were too many obstacles. Nevertheless, I wasn't to give up. I had made a new promise:  _Get back to Reimu!_

* * *

>   
>  _In the winter_   
>  _The cat runs away from home_   
>  _Where is she?_


	13. The Cat Runs Away from Home

In a minute amount of time, our food had dwindled and, suddenly, Chen had run off before we even had chance to notice. Seeing the circumstances and remembering what Yukari said about cats running away when times were their bleakest, she had likely run away to die and solely for that, especially since it is unlikely during this time that she'd even find even scraps and she has been refusing to eat before now and, to make it worse, she isn't _ill_ , let alone, _injured_. In her running away, she may not have left just to die, rather, she may have also run away so the rest of us may have some food to eat, in short, sacrificing herself by going off into the wilderness to die so the rest of us could survive. Of course, Flandre presented the idea that maybe she had gone out to find Yukari, saying, slowly, emphasising her thoughts, "Chen. Went. To. Bring. Yukari. Home." Either way, Chen could have either left to die or to find Yukari and bring her home, though the former is more than likely than the latter on the grounds that she will have told us. Nevertheless, my heart was nonetheless shattered and I am sure she will have wanted to see new "sibling".

Chen running away seemed to have motivated Flandre to look for her that night on the day we discovered her missing and call out, "Chennie, Chennie, Chennie!" She had come back the next morning in tears and sunburned, asking if Chen will come back. I shook my head and said, "I don't think so." and then I explained to her what cats do when times are near or at their worse. Of course, being without her playmate and having her surrogate big sister under a spell that won't break until Yukari comes back (if she does), Flandre wrapped herself into a dark blanket and refused to come out of it. That night, Flandre had run off as well, leaving me, my unborn infant, the bunny (who only stuck around for Reimu), and Reimu alone. The few things that rendered me virtually unable to leave was the fact I was nearing the end of my pregnancy and Reimu had been alone enough and, even if I really could, where would I go? At least, Reimu isn't awake, otherwise her shattered heart will have killed her. Nevertheless, I wondered what Yukari was going to say. Even though I was no longer her shikigami, I still fear her judgements and admonishments.

The next morning, even the rabbit had run away, leaving barely three people in this little house. _Yukari, wherever you are, please come home soon, we need you._

* * *

>   
>  _Winter brings sorrow_   
>  _The light of her burning candle is blown out_   
>  _She's passed away_


	14. The Candle that Has Been Blown Out

Still, I press on but a blizzard hits me, making travel more difficult. I had been traveling for two hours until I was forced to take shelter, somewhere. I did, eventually, and I was quite upset at myself for doing so. Needless to say, I had ended up falling asleep and slept for more than what I needed to. I awoke and pressed on, determined to see my little human child again. I continued on, seeing our old house, the house, that, by circumstance, we had to leave. To my surprise, Eirin and Yuuka were waiting for me. Yuuka had dyed her hair a pretty greyish-blonde color and Eirin's hair was just tinted greyish. They had such somber looks. When I asked what was wrong, Yuuka explained that they had found Flandre but it was too late, she had succumbed to hypothermia. I asked them did they find the others to which they said, "No, only Flandre." I broke down in tears but I told them I had to get back to Reimu and expressed regret at leaving her, to which Yuuka responded, "Yukari, Reimu is a dear and, if she were to die now from starvation or hypothermia, she would never hold it against you, rather she will have forgiven you."

I bid them goodbye, thanking them for telling me the news, and hurrying away. However, I found myself desperately looking for the path. My journey home had yet another obstacle but I was determined to make it there by morning and no later.

* * *

> _The cat returns_   
>  _After a long absence, she was blinded_   
>  _out of mercy_


	15. Blinded Out of Mercy

That night, right after Ran had told me about what had happened with Chen running away and her telling me some happy news about her expecting, we heard a familiar meowing. At first Ran couldn't believe it but then it got closer and closer until there was a pawing at the door. I opened the door just a crack and discovered the meowing was indeed Chen. She pawed my hand and then sniffed, asking, "Yukari-shama?" After a scrutiny of her behavior, it became apparent that, during her absence, she had lost her sight, rendering her blind. Feeling around for the familiar fluffy tails, she walked around, bumping into Reimu and accidentally turning on the radio. Just as they were going to the news, she promptly turned it up. The announcer on the news said,  _"Attention, any youkai found will be sent to the Y.C.C.A and anyone found hiding any will receive heavy punishment!"_ Naturally, we were in fear, Ran even more so, as she was expecting. After the announcement, Ran promptly suggested we turn it to a nice music station to ease the tension but we couldn't find any stations that were playing something that didn't worry us any further, so we just turned it off.

Nevertheless, I was curious as to how Chen had became blind. She explained that, out of mercy, she was blinded by a quite well-intentioned stranger who didn't want to turn her in, despite orders to do so, and figured that, if she was blind, then no one will bother to capture her, as it would do no good to do so. Apparently, blinding her did help, as it heightened her other senses enough where she can further recognize distinct sounds and scents, painting a mental image of her surroundings, but, nevertheless, it has pretty much doomed her, as being blind will have proved dangerous, especially in the wilderness, where she will have been more vulnerable. Blinding her, well-intentioned in motives? Yes. Foolish? Most definitely. At least, she did find her way back home to us. However, in light of her newfound disadvantage, she might leave again.

* * *

 

> _Oni never lie_   
>  _Not even a drunken one, rather_   
>  _She brings news_


	16. Chapter 16

Chen returning to us was quite bittersweet. We were happy to know she had survived and wasn't captured but quite sad to know she is now blind and may never be able to see again. However, I couldn't help but to feel it was my fault that she had run away in the first place. Flandre ran away too and she's passed away of hypothermia, something her human body couldn't withstand. Being that Flandre was Chen's newfound playmate, neither of us had the heart to tell her, though, there seemed to be no need to tell her, as she could sense an absence and had burst into tears. After she had cried, she at least had found comfort in knowing Reimu was still alive.

The next morning, Yukari ventured out to get some food but affirmed she wouldn't be home until much later. She came home with very little more than a can of soup for dinner, a stolen baby bottle (with the milk in it) for Reimu, and a can of sardines for Chen and Suika. Chen touched and felt the can, recognizing its shape and the feel of its wrapper, saying, "Thank you, Yukari-shama." Yukari then promptly announced that we were moving to a new location in a couple of days in light of our circumstances. Suika then told of an abandoned mansion that people don't enter into because of the superstitions and it hidden by miles of forest, even showing an old photograph of the house.

Two days later, we did leave and move to our location to the old house that Suika spoke about.

* * *

 

> _As winter ends_   
>  _Comes new beginnings but there will also come_   
>  _Insanity and pain_


	17. Descent into Insanity

I quite found our new house to be fitting and had a decently good clue that we were safe, at least for now. At least, in the house, there was a quiet place for Ran to have her babies or baby. Speaking of Ran, I knew I'd have to send for Eirin some time soon, as Ran is nearing the end of her pregnancy. However, I was also afraid that she would die from complications in childbirth. Nevertheless, I am happy for her, being that she can have children and will have them soon, while my own body betrayed me. At first, she thought I would envy her for that and was surprised I didn't, rather, I told her that I was more or less a grandmother who wanted grandchildren and explained that I don't envy anyone who can have children and, at least, she didn't throw that gift away.

On other notes, though, I couldn't help but to worry for Chen and Reimu. Chen, being blind, may get lost in the large house without her sight to guide her and Reimu, being reverted to a toddler, lost almost all sense of danger and might get herself into something out of curiousity. In being worried, I decided to keep them very close to me, constantly staying within the same vicinity as I was. If I wasn't home and was out getting food (or clothing, Reimu's need new clothing being hers are oversized), I would keep them confined to a room. Naturally, Reimu went along with that, as she would usually find something to do, like playing hide and seekies (as she called it, being reverted to a toddler) in the blankets with a blind Chen looking for her and Chen protested, not understanding why when neither of them were in trouble. I would explain that I was going out and that there was no one to watch them as Ran needed to be alone right now and Suika is often too drunk to do, well, anything useful. After about a few days, she insisted that I have Suika play with them. I sighed and said, "Alright, fine, I will." That day, I returned with food and Eirin.

We had our dinner, Ran prefering to have hers in quiet and then I took the children out to play in the courtyard. I figured they could go outside and play, after all, I've been keeping them cooped up in the house, of course, temporarily, for now, we were safe, so we decided to pick up the pieces and try to live normal again. At what Suika taught them, if they heard an odd sound, they quickly hurried into the house, with myself following behind. I often did this for a bit but then I noticed something strange about Reimu and it seemed she had gotten sick. Usually, she would so energetic but, this time, she could hardly drag herself our of her blanket and was very lathergic. I detailed her decline for a couple of days and found she was also suffering from diarrhea and fever. After giving her a thorough examination, Eirin explained that Reimu was suffering from a condition called gastroenteritis and gave me the medicine for it. I asked her if it was fatal, to which she said, "No, it isn't, unless, she grows dehydrated and malnourished from diarrhea." A few week later, Reimu had gotten better.

Pretty soon, the spring had come and Ran finally went into labor, giving birth to a few pups, all female. According to Eirin, Ran actually had six but three were stillborn, leaving her with three. She also affirmed that Ran was fine as well be she be exhausted. Naturally, having not have seen for a long time, as she's stayed in isolation, Chen and Reimu rushed in to see her and her babies, causing me to hold them back and say, "Gentle, calm, and slow, children, Ran and her babies are very tired, please try to keep your eagerness and playfulness restrained." Surprisingly, they obeyed, creeping up slowly to meet the babies. Being unable to see, Chen asked Ran to describe what they looked like to her and Reimu, being reverted to a toddler, just thought to pet them on the head like one would do a puppy. Humorously, she reached over to pet Ran on the head as well like one would do a puppy. Naturally, in response to both, Ran flattened her ears in contentment and said, "They look very much like me, only their hair and tails are a pale shade of yellow, almost white." Chen's ears fluttered in happiness as she imagined what they looked like and, with happy tears, she said, "They're beautiful."

Even though there were so many good things happening in this uncertain world, I felt my mind start to shift, alternating here and there between the border of being sane to near psychotic, prompting Eirin to stay on, explaining it away with stress and worry. If only I could believe that it was just stress and worry taking a toll on my mind. If it was, then I would much prefer to bend the borders of life and death as an act of suicide, however, I would be leaving, Ran, Chen, her babies, and Reimu all alone because, right now, they need me. If it turns out not to be stress and I am really going insane, Eirin's going to get a punch sqaure in the mouth. Then again, how in the hell would having a fear of anything that can hold a reflection can be explained away as "stress and worry"?


	18. Once Powerful Youkai, now a Screaming Wreck

It was hard not to worry about Yukari. Her mental state was declining and we could not figure out the source as to why. She even hated to glance in a mirror, let alone anything with her reflection in it, telling us that what was going on was more than stress. She often says she sees horrible things in those reflections but would never seem to tell us what. Either way, she seemed to have a morbid fear of anything that can hold a reflection. She's even acted on those fears, leaving us to bandage her hands or be frightened on a constant basis by her screams. Naturally, I didn't want to tell the children but it was apparent that Chen knew and, being a tad frightened and upset, she started to distance herself from her. Reimu, being reverted to a toddler both physically and mentally, couldn't comprehend what was going on, leaving her confused, but, like most small children, she wanted to "make Mommy better" and demanded that Eirin do so.

If fearing being captured wasn't on my mind, then Yukari's lunacy was. We couldn't seem to sort out what it was and not even a drunken Suika could tell us, besides that she could be drinking too much. I placed my hands on my hips and said, "I know full well that Yukari has been no drunkard." to which Suika responded, "It was just a thought." After awhile, I decided it would be best to focus more on the children than Yukari's lunacy. Heartbreakingly, I had to try my hardest to try and keep Reimu close to me and she often resisted. For her sake and out of painful circumstance, I had to try, at least, to keep them separated for awhile. Yukari was growing more unstable by the day and, by default, is putting Reimu in potential harm. After awhile, Eirin was forced to keep Yukari on in straightjacket. As to be expected, she usually found a way to get out of that. After awhile, being left with no other choice, Eirin chained her up in the one of the cellars of the mansion, in complete darkness, blindfolded. After that, the painful screaming she emitted subsided. Even though we weren't given no other choice, I felt sorry for Yukari. She was once a powerful youkai and now she is no more than a screaming wreck who is starting to show signs of mental illness. At least, I am not the only one that feels that way.

* * *

>   
>  _Despite her blindness_   
>  _Chen can sense sorrow and pain from within_   
>  _The cellar darkness_


	19. The Cellar Darkness

Yukari-shama is all alone down there, in the cellar. Eirin says there is nothing we can do but allow to live in the darkness. In a way, it is like she is blind 'cause she is living in darkness much like I am. If Flandre were here, she'd feel as sad I am. Sometimes, sleep over her head, on the tatami mat that hides the cellar entrance. Sometimes, when no one else is awake, I throw an apple slice down there and, once, I threw my blanket down there, so she wouldn't feel lonely. No matter how far she's slipped, she was will still Yukari-shama. While Yukari was in the basement, Yuuka-auntie came to stay. Aya and Yuyuko didn't, they stayed where they were, no one thinking they weren't human. Yuyuko was a champion sumo wrestler, being oh so damn fat from eating all the time and Aya was a writer, so none of them could give up the life they have. At least, they weren't caught.

Still, I never did stop thinking Yukari-shama was lonely down there, in the dark. After awhile, I decided that I would go down there to visit her, so, one night, after waking Reimu, so she could see her, too, we went down there to see her. Hearing her breath, we crept closer and closer. I felt for her dress but, instead, tripped over her legs, waking her. She let out a squeak and I then felt her gentle hand on my face. She whispered, in mixing our names into one, "Chenreimu?" Her arms wrapped around us and she stroked our hair, saying, "I've missed you." We had missed her, too. After spending a few hours of the night in her arms, tearfully, we went back upstairs, before the others took notice to us being missing. As we had hurried back up, Yukari-shama whispered, "Be free, my dears." Leaving her down there was like abandoning her.

After that night, I had grown upset, demanding that Yukari-shama come upstairs with us, at least, to see the sunshine. One time, Reimu joined me and, being that she didn't say anything, Ran just sat there, Eirin and Yuuka-auntie were shocked. Yuuka-auntie asked about Yukari, to which, Eirin said, "We didn't have much of a choice, she had grown too unstable, thus we had blindfolded her and chained her up the cellar, where she couldn't hurt herself and where lights, reflections, and noises couldn't frighten her. Once she was in complete darkness, she quieted." On one occasion, I was furious and said, "She's become like Flandre, you monster!" After that, with Reimu in tow, her sandles making a "clipitty-clop-clippitty-clop" on the floor, I had run off crying. It was then that we discovered a room and we decided to hide there for the rest of the day.

Later that night, we came out, as Ran was searching for us. By the vibration of her heartbeat and her footsteps, I knew she was frantic to the point of tears. She had thought we had run away and, by the sound her hurried and nearing footseps, she was releived to know we hadn't. She threw her arms around us, saying, "I was so worried." She had hurried us off to bed, kissing us both. When we were sure she was asleep, we went down into the cellar to visit Yukari again. She was sleeping but awoke for a few seconds to kiss our faces. I had sent Reimu back upstairs but I was determined to stay in the cellar, so Yukari wouldn't be alone and we could be in the darkness, together. As Reimu had gone up, she said, "Bye-bye, Chen, miss you."

The next morning, Ran came to get me but I insisted I stay down here, no questions asked. When Ran pushed the matter further, I said, " _ **NO!**_  I will stay here, with Yukari, in the darkness, and you will not force me to come back up and, if you do so, I will come right back down here. No matter how many times you bring me back up, I will come back down here. If you won't let me stay down here with Yukari-shama, I will run away and I will never come back." Ran sighed and went back upstairs, saying nothing else.

* * *

>   
>  _A bond frayed_   
>  _Possibly beyond repair, leaving hearts broken_   
>  _Her choice was made_


	20. A Bond Frayed and Maternal Rage

I felt utter guilt and upset but, nevertheless, I knew it would be better not to force Chen, as she may carry out her threat to run away again. On the other hand, I couldn't help but to feel a bit embarrassed and shocked as a mother and mistress, as Chen had challenged my authority, something she usually doesn't do. Then again, I guess I should have seen it coming, in light circumstances and how unjust she felt Yukari being chained up down there, thus she would challenge my authority. In a way, I had hand in this, as I should have questioned Eirin about what to do with Yukari, even though there was really nothing. The bond between Chen and I was frayed and her choice was made. It didn't matter anyhow, as I have more important things to worry about and those included on taking care of my newly born pups and a now age-regressed Reimu. Of course, it was no doubt that she was saddened by this, as she's lost her playmate, her kitty, and her caregiver, her mommy, due to unfortunate circumstances. Evading capture has really put our lives in turmoil.

To further worsen matters and speaking of Reimu, she's stopped eating and has become very despondent. I tried to cheer her up but to no avail. She would just lay there, not eating, sleeping, or doing anything, just laying there. If she did do anything, it was to occasionally shift her position and scratch herself when she had an itch. I would hold her in my arms but that did nothing. I would place her next to the babies but even that didn't cheer her up. Ultimately, I asked Eirin what could possibly be the matter, to which Eirin said, "She's depressed, Ran, and she might be like that for a bit." I pointed out that Reimu had been like that for more than a few days and, that if she didn't come up with something soon, I was booting her ass out of here. Her eyes widened and she said, "I'll try my best."

In a maternal rage and with tears streaming down my face, I punched her square in the nose and said, "Don't _try_ ,  _ **DO**_  your best! Goddamit, Eirin, stop trying and start doing! You try this and you try that, for heaven's sake, when will you start doing and stop trying?! Start doing and stop trying! Right now, there is a little child, her name is Reimu Hakurei, and I am counting on you to at least get her start back eating or whatever is so her life will be saved, so, at least, she can live! Flandre's dead, Chen is blind, and Yukari has gone insane, so  _ **DO**_  your best to save Reimu. If Reimu dies, your ass is grass and I will...mow...it! Do you understand everything in which I am telling you?!" Shaking, Eirin nodded and said, "Yes, Ran-sama, I shall start treatment at once." After that, I had gone back to my babies, they were probably hungry by this point.

* * *

>   
>  _Such a_ _surprise_   
>  _Ran isn't usually like that, oh no!_   
>  _Eirin's provoked her_


	21. Ass is Grass: Eirin's Provoked Her

Being that have decided to live here, I couldn't help but to hear Ran berating Eirin and listen to every last word. Frankly, if Eirin's ass was my grass, I would mow it, too, for whatever justifiable reason, especially since that one incident (exactly what happened at the time went like this her, Tewi, a prank, and some kind of narcotics. Needless to say, I got the wrong prescription). Though, I cannot help but wonder if Ran was being a bit too harsh, after all, everything that has transpired hasn't been easy on any of us and Eirin is mostly a pharmacist and can really only "do" so much. Of course, in light of the circumstances and the fact that Reimu is, as she put it, depressed, I see the reason for her upset as Eirin has always said she'll try and, of course, what she "tried" to do, often failed, so, basically, she didn't do anything. Although, Ran could be holding something against her over the "Crying Yukari Incident". Of course, who would let her forget that? Eirin could be thoughtless at times, so she does need to be reminded.

Either way, I cannot help but to be concerned for the child myself, as human children often grow attached to things easily and being without Chen and Yukari has really done something to her and, being that we are youkai, we cannot even dare be caught dead with a human child, not in times like these. Of course, Reimu look quite less human, if one takes into account her white hair. On the other hand, people will just naturally assumed we dyed her hair. Nevertheless, I do hope Reimu perks up soon or, at least, cry, do something that is reassuring. If Eirin can't get her to do that or does a crummy job, then, as she said, Eirin's ass is grass and Ran will mow it. For both of their sakes, I sure hope Eirin does a fine good job, even though she really doesn't have that much work with children, and sure hope she doesn't spoil my wash water as the linens need washing.


	22. Spoiled Washwater

Doing as Ran told me to, I go to assist Reimu and try to make her well again, although, I really don't know how. Gently I lifted her up, noticing how deathly pale she became, and brought her out of the room, Ran watching my every move, making threatening gestures. I carried her around, trying to coax a favorable reaction. However, she still didn't do anything, except look at me with those dull empty eyes of hers and heave a sigh. As I carried around, I had noticed bubbles floating around. They were coming from Yuuka's wash tub and she was washing the laundry in what we consider the laundry room, especially, since Yuuka hung a few clothes lines made of kite string in there. Apparently, she heard my footsteps because she said, "Come in if you wish but do not spoil my wash water, I want our linens to be clean, also, don't spoil those, too, we need clean linens." Naturally, I walk in, holding a ragdollish Reimu, prompting her to hold out her arms and ask, "Are you trying to stir Reimu?" Just as I was going to answer and as I was handing her to Yuuka, Reimu had slid from my arms and into the wash tub. Within an instant, Reimu thrashed about and scream, after which, she cried hysterically. Almost like a raging train, Ran came charging in, demanding to know what had happened.

Between Yuuka screaming, "Oh dear!" and Reimu crying, I explained it was an accident, one that worked and I did what she's told me to do. Sopping wet, the screaming white-haired child trudged over to her with Yuuka saying, "Let's get her out those wet clothes and get her dry, shall we? She may catch ill."After getting the sopping wet child out of her clothes and wrapping her in a blanket, Ran took her back to her room and Yuuka promptly told me I should boil more wash water and handed me a nightgown, telling me that Yukari would like a new nightgown and that hers was probably spoiled.

* * *

>   
> In the dark,  
> She scrawls "Set me free" and she's written...  
> Them in blood


	23. A Small Bit of Freedom

I wonder what it is like, up there, in the light. My lunacy has very much overtaken me and, now, I have become like Flandre, when she was locked down in that basement, the only difference being is that I have someone to join me. I only wish to be free, or to, at least, to hold my little human child in my arms. I do wonder how she is doing and I cannot help but to feel distressed. I feel such distress because I am not with her and another reason is because it seems I haven't much time left and I have grown so weak that I cannot even open a small gap. On the cellar walls, I scrawl my wishes in my own blood, that I have spat up. Right now, I want nothing but to send Chen back upstairs, so she won't suffer, too, not through this. If I am to die, than I would like nothing more than to die free and, if that can't be, then let me die alone. After spending awhile with Chen down here, I patted her head and said, "Chen, dear, you really don't want to be down here, go upstairs, where you'll be free." In response, Chen clutched my hand and said, "No, you'll be all alone again." With tears streaming down my face, I tried to tell her I'll be alright, to which she would respond, "No, you won't be, you are lying." I stopped arguing with her on the matter.

After a bit and, one night, I asked Chen, "Will you let me out of here, at least for tonight?" She took my hand and said, "Yes, Yukari-shama, I will!" After about an hour or so, she came back with the key and unlocked the shackles. Feeling around through the maze of hallways, we made our way outside and ran about, frollicking in my first taste of freedom. Before the night had ended, I had to be returned to the cellar. I kissed Chen on the head and thanked her for letting me out that one time, even if it were for a little while. 


	24. I'm sorry, Reimu-sweetheart, I'm so sorry

Eventually, Kanako and Sanae came to live with us, as did Satori and Koishi, Nitori even, uprooting their lives so they wouldn't run the risk be captured. Of course, that meant Yuuka had more laundry to wash and we had to divide up resources and share them equally. However, that sometimes became the source of some frustrations, as some of us couldn't get along and there was a lot of stress. To much upset and because of the circumstances, I had grown a bit selfish, negligent, and resentful, targeting my resentment and negligence to Reimu, the little child I had loved quite dearly, yelling and, sometimes, swatting at her when she came near me. What a horrible cold-hearted bitch of a kitsune I had become! I found myself to later be repentant towards my treatment of Reimu, after she had sustained an injury that rendered her legs permanently paralyzed, leaving her unable to walk. Upon learning she was injured, I wept bitterly. I allowed this to happen and I had treated her so badly. To much surprise, Reimu still reached to me for comfort, even though it was my fault.

As soon as she threw her arms around mine, I found redemption for my actions and realized that she had forgave me. She wanted to be cradled and loved. Even though she was reverted to a toddler, mentally and otherwise, she was still Reimu. I gathered her into my arms and kissed her on the head, saying, "I'm sorry, Reimu-sweetheart, I'm so sorry." She forgave me but I can never forgive myself.

* * *

 

> _She feels regret_   
>  _Yes, she does and is deeply repentant_   
>  _for her actions_


	25. Kanako's Musings

Times most certainly have gotten harder and they've turned a very loving kitsune into a cold-hearted bitch. After Reimu had lost her ability to walk, Ran had turned back to the way she was but was left a repentant wreck. Of course, Reimu forgave her of her actions but she still regrets the horrible bitch she became. In much a similar way, because of hard times, I had taken to beating Sanae over small offenses or for whatever reason just to vent my frustrations, becoming a callous person. Unlike Ran, I was worse in my treatment and Sanae is still riddled with bruises. I even beat her the morning we had came here and that was right outside. I doubt she will forgive me of that. I wish I didn't beat her, as it was never her fault that what has happened happened. At least, Ran didn't beat Reimu, after all, the very worst I've seen her do was leave her where she could get injured and did, whereas, I had beaten Sanae until she black and blue. I didn't always beat Sanae, rather I considered her something that kept Suwako and I from fighting for a long time, something that held our little family together. Suwako is dead now and only we remain. Suwako would wreck the place if she were alive to see me beating little Sanae. I sure hope Sanae can forgive me and, if she doesn't, I will not have blamed her.

* * *

  
_Someone has confessed_   
_She stole the key and has been hiding it_   
_She's had to_


	26. Confessions

I let Yukari out. She had to be set free. I unlocked her shackles and told her to go upstairs, she's free. At first, by the sound of her breathing, she was afraid but then she eased, pressing my hand to her dress, so I wouldn't be far from her. Navigating the hallways, we made ourselves deeper and deeper in the mansion, until we came to a room. I took off Yukari's blindfold and said, "You can stay here." The light pattering of her footsteps told me that she was looking about for mirrors. She settled and said, "This is a nice place." I knew I would get in trouble but I didn't care. As I left the room, Yukari said, in her half-crazed shaky voice, "Bye-bye, Chen-kitty, dear Chen..." I closed the door and hurried back down to the cellar. I wanted that dreadful bitch Eirin to catch me with the key because it was only a matter of time before she would. I waited patiently for Eirin to bring a tray of food downstairs like she usually does. When she saw me, I heard the dishes clatter to the floor and she asked me where Yukari had gone. "I set her free, you monster, you dreadful bitch! I know where she is but I won't show you!" I said, tossing the key in front of her. Next thing I knew, making a huge fuss, I was dragged upstairs and was interrogated but I was still defiant.

I heard everyone's voices. With everyone there, I confessed to what I had done. "But why?" I heard Ran ask. I narrowed my eyes and said, "I wanted to set her free and you let Reimu fall." Ran said nothing else. I turned to Kanako's voice and said, "You beat Sanae." causing her to gasp and Sanae to cry. Turning toward Koishi's voice, I said, "We all know you peed on the floor." I promptly heard the sound of peeing. I turned towards her sister and said, "You're smoking opium again." I turned towards Nitori and asked her for a handheld game that the blind could play. As I was doing that, there came a very loud  ** _*THUMP!*_**  Yuuka gasped and said, "What on earth was that?!" We hurried outside, to the courtyard, and found Yukari laying there. She wasn't dead but she was indeed injured. Eirin set her bones back and placed her back in the room she fell from. I remember punching Eirin in the eye (or was it the ear?), saying, "Your ass is fucking grass if you put her back down in that cellar!"

I then pointed to Ran and said, "For what happened to Reimu, I will never forgive you." She broke into to tears, Yuuka saying, "Now, now, there, there, ducksie, you mustn't cry now, we've all did something we are not proud of." I wiggled my nose and asked, "Really?" Yuuka turned to me and answered, "Yes, we all have. Everyone of us and, needless to say, we are not proud of what we did. I've even observed humans doing things they are not proud of when times have gotten very hard, like beating their children to outright being cold, resentful, and negligent of them." One by one, everyone confessed to something that hard times drove them to.

_"I've beaten Sanae, until she was black and blue."_  came from Kanako.

_"I drank liquor and burned down someone's house with it._ " came from Suika.

_"I let Reimu fall and, being she's too incoherent to say it, Yukari's left her in a decrepit house alone for most of the winter."_  came from Ran.

_"We sometimes sold drugs to pool enough money to keep our house. It didn't matter anyway."_  came from Satori.

There were many more after that and, after hearing them all, I broke into tears. From withing Yukari's room, I heard her say,  _"Ran, my sweet little kitsune, I forgive you and I'm sorry, too._ _"_

* * *

 

_Ours is without_   
_reason as to why, ours it but to_   
_Do or Die_

 


	27. Yukari's Recovery

At Ran and Eirin's request, I took to not only washing laundry and gardening within the walls but to aiding in Yukari's recovery from her lunacy. Ever since she's taken that dreadful jump from the window, her mind has started to clear up a bit. When I was giving her care, I would take to having tea with her and reciting  _The Charge of the Light Brigade_  by Alfred Lord Tennyson or, at least, the parts I could remember and how I remembered them. Often, I recited the lines I could remember and, on one occasion, Yukari said the words with me, as she's heard them. In her half-crazed voice, she said, "Ours is without the reason why, ours is but to do or die." Naturally, I couldn't help but to wonder if she's mixed up the words a bit. Of course, she had gone insane and was just recovering. However, she took to saying that line more than once, stating it was her favorite during her bouts of clarity.

After awhile, she shortened her favorite thing to "Do or die." and saying it more than once. It seemed the old gal was trying to deliver a message, something direly important. When Eirin or Ran dismissed it as the maniacal ramblings of ancient youkai, her eyes would get misty-eyed and say, in such a mournful tone, "Do or die..." Naturally, I listened to her and wondered what in bleeding hell was she trying to say. It seemed she needed to go outside of her room and good timing as well, being that her room was starting to smell like crack from going in the bucket. I have already let her know how I felt about that subject already and that was that she will go to the toilet in the proper manner. Of course, this was to be expected as to why she would go in her bucket and that was that she hardly ever left the place. I would later find out that how she often tends to dispose of that waste and that involved dumping it out of window, right on to Eirin's head. Frankly, I found that humorous.

On her first trip outside of her room, she was placed in a wheelchair that Nitori had made for her. At first, she was afraid but, then, she lost the fear. It was a milestone to see her curious about reflections again, rather than trying to see her attack the mirror but it was an utmost joy to see her curious about and reconnect with her little human child she hadn't got to hold in awhile. Eirin and Ran felt it was utmost necessary for her to bond with Reimu again, after all, she has been missing that connection. Even though, she could barely remember her name, she still loved her and had the connection she had formed with her since birth. Bit by bit, the bonding process was successful and Yukari started to slowly remember Reimu's name, calling her, "Rei". Slowly her fragmented memories came together and she started to sound like what she once had before, be it if it was a bit shaky. In recovering, she started to sing lullabies, if not recite the lines of the poem I often said.

Whilst recovering and reconnecting, she took up knitting, knitting herself a shawl at some point. It was lovely to see that she's found a hobby. Overtime, she did regain most of her sanity, though, from time to time, she still uttered the phrase, "Do or die." Nevertheless, I couldn't seem to figure out what in blazes was she talking about.

* * *

 

_Little lost Kitten_   
_What on earth has you upset? You_   
_are still loved_


	28. A Bond Repaired

I often try to avoid Ran. I doubt she would like anything to do with me anyway, after all, I broke her heart and she has babies to take care of. Often, I spent my time in Yukari's company, listening to her hum little tunes and hear the faint sound of her knitting needles. Recently, Yuuka gave her a lot more yarn and several rolls of fabric, so I would listen to the faint sounds of sewing needles. After spending a bit in her company, she started to notice something was off, so, one day, she bounced a ball of yarn on my head and said, "Something has been troubling you, please tell me, no use in hiding it." Seeing no way out of it, I told her about how I was feeling and that I thought Ran wanted nothing to do with me. She gasped and said, "How could you even think that about Ran? She loves you just as much as she always had and will always love you. Yes, you've broken her heart but she'll forgive you for it and her heart has room for you and her babies, too. If anything now, she misses you and is probably thinking the same thing. Fret not, little lost kitten, you are still and always will be loved. I know you are afraid to but go, go to her and tell her you love her." She hugged and kissed me before sending me off.

Naturally, I was hesitant to be in Ran's presence,  _what if she rejected me?!_  As I was asking the same question to myself with tears streaming down my face, I heard her voice,  _"Chen, are you alright?"_  She was wiping my tears away and smoothing out my hair. I couldn't tell her but it didn't matter anyway as she held me in her arms again, saying, "Everything'll be alright, don't cry my sweet."

* * *

  
_Today brings rain_   
_The fallen rain looks like dripping pearls_   
_Daydreaming is nice_


	29. Dripping Pearls

It's raining again outside. Usually, I really hate rain, as it tends to make things really quiet but, this time, is looks like dripping pearls, allowing me to escape by daydreaming. Right now, I would much rather not think about unpleasantness and with good reason. Of course, being that I am in the same room as Sanae, I couldn't escape from that no matter how much I daydreamed but that didn't stop me from escaping her gaze by looking at the pearls outside. I spent most of the afternoon daydreaming until I had fallen asleep. When I awoke, I noticed how it looked like Sanae was wearing lip coloring. "Sanae, are you wearing safflower?" I asked her to which she responded, "What do you mean, Kanako-san? I haven't worn lipstick since the first time I've tried makeup." I told her that her lips were red, consistent with lipstick. She hurried out of the room and returned with a mirror. It turns out she wasn't wearing safflower, instead, it was blood and she had silently coughed it up. "Am I dying?" she asked me before she fainted. I hurried about, searching frantically for Eirin, determined to get her back to Sanae. When I had, I managed to bring her back to Sanae but Eirin's verdict was grim and she said only time will tell if she will survive. I felt terrible. I had a hand in this. I'm the one that did this. My beating of Sanae did this. Such agony of this epiphany.

* * *

  
_No more milk?_   
_No? Alright, how about some sweets, then?_   
_No? How unfortunate._


	30. Ratburgers

Once again, food was starting to run scarce, prompting Yuuka to leave for the day to get some more. However, unfortunately, funds have also started to run scarce to buy the food. Frankly, I could skip a few meals, the little ones and Ran need food more. as I sit here, knitting and sewing, I start to worry about us. Being I am without my sanity and memories completely reclaimed, I am left powerless to do anything, even stop Reimu from sobbing. My poor little human child, she is hungry and wishes she had milk to go with her cookies. Chen brought up the idea of candy but, as we can see, we are minus sweets. However, food isn't just one of my worries.

Something has gone wrong with Sanae and it is unknown if she would survive the rest of the day, if not the week. Something didn't just go wrong with Sanae, something also went wrong Kanako. Her anguished cries are a sign of the guilt she feels and, it seems, she lost a few screws. From the way things are looking, Sanae won't survive and Kanako will not remain with us after she does. If she chooses to leave, we'll be damned if she chooses to rat us out.

Later that day, Yuuka returned with some food and said, "We'll have to ration our food supply to reserve resources and that will limit us to one meal and two meals for the children and Ran." Like I had mentioned before, I was perfectly fine with doing without, after all, I had to do it before and I would most certainly be fine with doing it again. When someone spoke up as to why Ran would get two meals, Yuuka silenced them by saying, "Ran has babies, remember? And, said babies cannot subsidize on solid food alone."

When Chen had noticed I hadn't eaten anything, she had brought me some kind of rodent. Being a cat, she would occasionally bring Ran or I little dead things but she hadn't done that in awhile. Naturally, I asked her what it was, to which she responded, "A mouse, Miss Yukari. We could eat mice." I scrutinized it and said, "I think it is a bit big for a mouse."

"Hmm, then it is probably a rat, nevertheless, we could eat rats."

"I suppose, of course, I had never eaten rats before but I can quite agree it is better than cold raw rice with grass."

"Like the stuff Reimu ate? Sounds yucky!"

"Well, if Reimu could catch rats, then she would be eating them. Of course, that would mean she would be, well, as the humans say, reduced to ratburgers."

"Ratburgers sound delicious."

"Naturally, they do, Chen, for you and Ran, given that both of you would consume rodents."

"Have you eaten ratburgers?"

"No, but I have eaten rice, dirt, more dirt, and acorns, so frankly I think the thought of eating rats is appealing."

"Have you eaten mice?"

"No, not really, although, I probably ate one in an owl pellet but that was ages ago, when I was but a child."

"Owl pellets don't sound really tasty."

"It wasn't and, if it wasn't the dead of winter and while food was scarce, I don't think I would have ate it."

"We could eat owls."

"Chen, neither you nor I have an clue on how to catch owls and they are far too quick, so let us stick to rats and mice."

"Okay, how would you want yours?"

"Roasted and a tad burnt."

If we were to ration our food supply and skip meals, then I would like the thought of eating rats or mice, birds, what have it over starving. Being reduced to ratburgers is better than being captured, imprisoned, beaten, seperated, and starved or worse. Hopefully, on the other hand, Sanae will survive and everyone will catch on to Chen's idea.

* * *

  
_She didn't awake_   
_She had fallen asleep, last night, but_   
_She'll never awake_


	31. She Didn't Awake

I heard a great scream earlier this morning and found Kanako gone and little Sanae's face was covered with a white cloth. To much horror, it we found out that she had died and Kanako left without leaving a note. She didn't take anything with her, leading us to believe she's effectively, in a way, committed suicide by allowing herself to be captured but it turned out the real reason for her disappearance was that she faded away from this existence, leaving behind her mirror pendant. On a brighter note, everyone did catch onto Chen's idea as a way of conserving food sources. Either way this day was to be bittersweet. We held Sanae's funeral outside, opting bury her, instead of cremate her. After her funeral and as it rained, we gone back inside. I went back to my babies and Chen helped Yukari back to her room. The mansion was silent and we all skipped our meal times.

Sanae's death and Kanako's vanishment was a sign that bad things were to come.

* * *

  
_Little child, come_   
_Sleep now, pleasant dreams, under the stars_   
_Sleep now, sweetheart_


	32. Reimu's Cries

Reimu awoke that night and wouldn't stop crying. The poor thing was sobbing and screaming almost as if in pain and screaming so loudly that it was quite impossible not at all to wonder if anyone in the surrounding area could hear her. After about a couple of hours and with everyone trying to make her stop, I opted to try myself. "There, there, sweetheart, stop crying, now, we'll make your troubles vanish." I told her as I gathered her into my arms. After a bit and while humming a tune, she stopped crying reached for Ran, fighting sleep. The next morning, she had started back up again. She cried for a couple of hours before stopping. Throughout the day, she cried hysterically and sporadically. None of us could figure out what caused her to cry so much. She spend three days sobbing terribly before stopping and returning to almost normal. Naturally, Eirin explained it away as stress and fear of death, causing Ran to punch her square in the mouth, saying, "That is an UNACCEPTABLE explanation!" As far as I and Yukari were concerned, it was, as Eirin explained away Yukari's instabilities as being "stress and worry" and said she'll "try" to help Reimu. Still, I felt Ran was being a bit too harsh.

We never really had figured what that poor dear was sobbing about.

* * *

  
_Summer has arrived_   
_Although, this summer feels strangely cold, why?_   
_A joyless summer_

 


	33. Cold Summer

Ran's babies had grown quite so and spring had ended, leaving the door open for summer. Strangely, this sunmer didn't feel hot or even warm, rather, it felt cold, very cold, colder than the iciest winter that had ever happened. A summer shouldn't feel cold but, yet, it does. If a summer feels this cold, it must be a sign of bad times. No summer has ever felt this cold but, yet, there is one. Last winter wasn't nearly as cold as this. This summer feels cold, deathly cold. I started to put pieces together and realized something terrible was coming. This was it, this was our impending capture. Someone would eventually figure something is a tad off about this place. Even though this place is rife with tales of ghosts and superstitions, someone is or will be bound to come here to prove any rumors they may have heard about this place. If a human were to come in here, we would really be given no choice but to kill them and even that would would cause someone to notice something was very off and may cause them to come and find the causes of "spiriting-aways". When we fled here, we didn't know we were going to be revealed as youkai and, now that we are, we don't know what to do or where to go. Evading capture is all we really can do but how far and how fast can we really run?

Naturally, the worry made me burst into tears, causing Yuuka to ask, "What is it are crying about? You usually like the summer." I told her I didn't like this summer in particular in that it felt cold and told her something horrible was coming. Her red eyes widened and she said, "Oh dear." She took my hand and asked, "What are we going to do and where are going to go?" I told her we have to do something and go somewhere, even though it was apparent that we were running out of options. I packed all of my knittings and sewing and the tools into a bundle. We had to do something.

* * *

  
_Off we go_   
_Travelling yet again, hopefully, back to running_   
_Running yet again_


	34. A New Home

After Yuuka managed to persuade Komachi to ferry us to the furthest place she could get us to, we had packed up all we can carry. All night and under the light of the moon, she ferried us to the island of Honshu and then Hokkaido, saying, "This is as far as I go. You're going to have to travel on foot, bye-bye." She gave us a couple of radios and hurried off in her boat. We had traveled all through the day, until we came across an abandoned village so shrouded in forest that it hardly saw only small slivers of sunlight. Surprisingly, Reimu and my little babies were still quiet and asleep and that is the longest either of them slept or were that quiet. We each scurried to our own little decrepit houses. For myself, this was a better nesting spot to safely raise my babies. Bering there was almost no light and being that she was blind, Chen used the extremely dense forest to to hunt various things, catching a few rats and, apparently, a squirrel, to which she didn't bring back in one piece. Reimu didn't seem to mind and spent her time sniffing flowers, sometimes crawling after Chen when she hunted, trying to catch mice or butterflies. Yuuka managed to make a little garden of primrose. Eirin gathered herbs and Yukari was back to knitting and sewing, even listening to little tunes on radio.

Of course, there was a far deeper reason as to why she would have the radio on whenever. She was listening out for news and, so far, she hasn't heard anything noteworthy. If she had, she would be quick to turn it up a bit louder and summon us to her little house for us to all listen. So far, we were home.

On the other hand and despite the fact that my babies had a yet to subsidize on solid food, I fell in love yet again with another male kitsune. Oh, Yukari will be so upset! I couldn't dare afford another pregnancy before my babies have yet to be more independent but I couldn't seem to help myself. We courted each other under the slivers of moonlight and I even showed him my babies. After a bit, he left but vowed he would return once the time was right and when my babies were old enough. My duties were to my babies. Funny thing, Yukari said she liked him and that he may return next year.

* * *

 

_So far, this_   
_is home, be it with decrepit houses_   
_Better than nothing_

_I suppose_


	35. Yuuka's Musings

My primroses do look pretty and my linens are clean, though, I would like a nice house with a big garden like I had in Gensokyo. Of course, that was long ago, before imprisonment. To think that it me that long to rebuild and then, because of circumstances, I am forced to leave behind. Oh, my sunflowers! I wonder if they are alright, after all, with all that rain they should be growing well. For now, to the least, I am content in the fact I have some freedom and have yet to be captured. Living in a decrepit house is better than being without a home or, in this case captured. Still, I cannot help but to wonder if Komachi got back alright, after all she did take the risk of getting us here, or wondering if the us were captured. Its hard not to wonder those things. On the other hand, I will have liked nice things but I'll quite contently and with dignity settle for this, though, Chen and Reimu need a wash, they are quite filthy. I know Reimu wouldn't refuse, since she's found a way to remove her diaper (fret not, we did put her another one), but Chen, being the 

* * *

  
_So many stars_   
_The more lost souls there are, the_   
_more the stars_


	36. Yukari and the Stars

Usually, I would stay confined to this little house, knitting and sewing, waiting for some kind of grim news, but, this time, I wanted to go up to the top of the trees and look at the stars. There are many lost souls and they've all become stars. Each and every one of them. I gap my way up to high branch with a sky's view and start to count and name them off. Two of the brighter ones are Flandre and Remilia, having been reunited. Another pair of bright stars are Shinki and Alice. A smaller bright star is Cirno and the bigger one next to it is Marisa. An even smaller and very hard to see star is Sanae and a small but bright star right next to it was Suwako. I didn't see Kanako's star, though, but, then again, she didn't really die, per say. I count them all and I find there are far too many to count, too many lost souls. A few tears rolled down my face and I whispered,  _"We'll live, for your sake, for all of you._ " I bid them good night and gapped back to my little house. I went back to my knitting, knitting a blanket of sky and stars.

* * *

 

_I hated that_   
_She knew I didn't like baths but_   
_I got one_

_Anyway_


	37. Chapter 37

I'm feeling pretty mad at Yuuka today. Reimu isn't but I am. Last night, I insisted I do not need a bath but she gave me one anyway. When I argued against it and shouted at her, Yuuka's response was, "Don't you dare shout at me! If you do that again, I shall give you quite a spanking and, besides, if only you could see, you would notice it has likely been along while since you were clean." She took me by the wrist and, with Reimu in one arm, we went back to her house. I could just feel the heat of the bathwater radiating and the dreaded smell of her remaining bit of perfumed soap. After removing our clothes,  ** _*SPLASH!*_** , into the water we went. Reimu was giggling but I wasn't. She scrubbed us from head to toe, dried us, and slapped us into what would be our pajamas and underclothes. "It's late children, time for bed." she said.

I still cannot rid myself of that dreaded smell of spicy wildflowers. Again, Reimu didn't seem to mind, being that she was always saying, "Reimu smell pretty!"

* * *

  
_My hair, oh,_   
_it is falling out, oh, it is,_   
_it really is!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter is supposed to be for comedic relief in an otherwise dramatic and full of tension story


	38. Alopecia

After awhile of living here, my white hair started to fall out. Odd, I wasn't sick or anything and, besides, how could I be? I am the only sort of medic they have but my hair is falling out. I could not figure out why it or what it is causing my hair to fall out. By a week, I had barely, if any, hair left. I kept a scarf wrapped around my head, trying to hide my hair loss. In trying to hid my hair loss, I had become envious of those with hair, especially Reimu, with little princess curls of white. Someone would find out something was wrong, so I tried hiding myself period but it didn't help because Yuuka apparently needed some sort of cure. When she saw me without my scarf, I was mortified, desperately trying cover myself and begging her not to look at me, "Don't look at me, I'm ugly, so hideously ugly!" Yuuka shook her head and explained that she needed some skin ointment for mange and poison ivy. She also told me my hair was falling because of a condition called "alopecia".

In all my life, I have never heard of such a condition, not ever. She also told me that my hair was falling out because I was worrying too much. I denied that but she insisted. I gave the cures to her and called her an old bitch. She laughed and said, "Yes, I may be a bitch but you're the one with her hair falling out and you well older than me." She went back about her business and I couldn't help but to wonder if she was right about what she said. If I did worry too much, then how could I not? Whose to say that we won't be captured? We might be captured very soon or whenever. Of course, we are too far from civilization for anyone to suspect anything but still.

* * *

 

_I shall fancy_   
_mouse soup and I am sure it will taste good_   
_with wild rice_


	39. Rumia,  the very last of Team ⑨

Such a surprise today! We had seen someone we hadn't seen in a long time. Rumia and she's crashed headfirst into the ground. She explained that she had been looking for us because half of everyone else had been taken by "bad people". She explained she was happy to see us and that she'll stay here, with us. Once she was done explaining what had happened, her arms dropped from their usual position (outstretched, like a crucifix) and she cried bitterly, exclaiming that she missed her friends, the rest of Team ⑨, and wondered if Yuuka was still alive. Yuuka stated that she was and said, "I am quite happy to see you." It was bittersweet seeing Rumia again, being she is the very last of Team ⑨, as Mystia, Wriggle, Cirno, and Daiyousei have all died and are amongst the stars. Once Rumia settled down, she cloaked herself darkness and fell asleep soundly. She needed a rest after flying around for some time. Frankly, I cannot help but to wonder how she managed fly around undetected.

* * *

 

_The clove is_   
_here, neither is it summer nor_   
_is it fall_

_We're in the clove of the seasons_


	40. Clove of Melancholy: "Is that all, Yukari?"

Summer had passed but Fall had not yet arrived, leaving us in the clove of the seasons. Strangely, I feel so melancholic. I guess it was all of the turmoil and shock taking a far larger toll on me. As I knit this one blanket, the one with stars on it, I feel my hands start to tremble, leading for me to fold it and put it back in its box. I am finished for today and I opt to lie back and think about Gensokyo. As I daydream of Gensokyo, I hear a child's voice that says, "Is that all, Yukari?" I answer back and say, "Yes, that is all, dear." I didn't I know who I was responding to but I had responded to someone. Maybe that voice belonged to Chen and that was probably after I had told her a story at some point. I fell asleep, dreaming of Gensokyo, dreaming of memories, long past. As I do so, maybe my melancholy will dissipate and maybe I will be finished knitting that blanket.

* * *

 

_Tea has run_   
_out. There is no more in_   
_my little jar_


	41. What the Children Will Have Liked

Usually, I would like tea in the afternoon but, unfortunately, there is none left to make in my little jar. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, as there is no sugar, either. The children will have liked tea and cake, cake, too. Sadly, there is none, well, it would have gone stale anyway. Knowing there is neither tea nor cake, I know that resources will run scarce again. Oh, what we've been reduced to! At least, we are still alive and what we've got to do is pull up our stockings, put our shoulders to the wheels and work together for our own and each other's survival. Must maintain complete optimism even in the time of fear or, at least, do so for the children, after all, they need us. After washing the linens and hanging them to dry, I gather Rumia, Chen, and little Reimu for bed as I have been asked to. Frankly, I adore the children and will try my absolute hardest to be patient. Once I have them settled, I opt to tell them fairy tales, the ones I remember from a storybook. As I tell them the stories, bittersweet tears roll down my face. Such old memories of times past. After telling them stories, I bid them pleasant dreams. Hopefully, they will. They will like pleasant dreams.

* * *

 

_Is that all_   
_Yukari? Yes, dear, that is all_   
_No more stories_

_I have no more stories to tell_


	42. The Kitsune's Film Reel

As I fall asleep, memories start to play back like a film's reel, the kind Nitori once showed us. I have so many fond memories of Gensokyo, of Yukari, of Chen, of Reimu, of everyone. That films reel will keep on going, playing back until my lifespan ends and that will be many years from now. By next spring, my suitor will return for me and my babies will be old enough to walk. It will be nice. Sleep takes hold and I see the film reel more and more.

_"Such a good kitsune you are, how I've missed you."_

_"Will you tell me a story?"_

_"Hmm, let's see, what stories do I have to tell my dearest little kitsune? Ah, I shall tell you about my day in town!"_

_"Yes, yes, please, Miss Yukari!"_

_"Patience, now, child, it all started like this..."_

* * *

  
_"Now, now, Chen, behave and Yukari will tell you a story."_

_"I wonder how many she'll tell me, this time."_

_"She'll probably tell you many stories, Chen."_

* * *

  
_"Is that all, Yukari?"_

_"Yes, dear, that is all. "_

_"No more stories?"_

_"I have no more stories to tell."_

* * *

  
_"Now, Chen, remember, you were a baby, too."_

_"Yeah, but, you've been paying more attention to Reimu!"_

_"Oh, sweetheart, I still care for you, too. I love you both."_

_"I love you, too, Ran-mommie. Will Reimu be with us forever?"_

_"I don't know, dear, she will have to go back to her real family someday."_

_"No! I don't want Reimu to go back to her real family, I want her to stay here, with us!"_

_"Neither do I but, someday, you'll realize why she has to."_

* * *

  
_"Reimu's coming to stay with us for a bit."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yes, Chen, really."_

_"We'll have so much fun things to do!"_

_"Yes, yes, of course, now, remember, you have to play gently and try to be a bit soft when you play."_

_"Okay!"_

* * *

  
_"Will you take me into town with you, Miss Yukari?"_

_"We'll see, Ran dear."_

_"Please, I would like to go into town, too!"_

_"Oh, alright, if you are on your best behavior, I will bring you into town and maybe you could get something you like."_

* * *

  
_"Ran, will you sing me lullaby, please?"_

_"Oh, okay, I'll sing you a lullaby, Reimu."_

_"Thank you, Ran."_

* * *

  
_"I'll love you all forever."_

* * *

  
_"I'll love you forever, Yukari."_

* * *

  
_"I'll love you forever, Chen."_

* * *

  
_The leave are_   
_falling. Autumn has finally arrived, oh but_   
_we're exposed_

 


	43. More of Eirin's Worries

I sure hope this is forest of evergreens because, if it isn't, then our cover may be blown. From what I can see, not all of the trees here are evergreens but this particular spot where we are seems to be. Of course, I nearly bald now, as I only have a few hairs. Yuuka, that old bitch, seemed to be right about the alopecia thing. Nevertheless, I was indeed losing hair and, now, it seemed I was starting to develop spots. They were bluish-purple spots, it seemed. Apparently, my stress was draining the iron content in my blood, making me anemic. I may as well just die now but lunarian lifespan does not permit it, unless it be through unnatural means, alas, I haven't any rope for a noose nor a cliff to jump from. Better to die, than keep running and risking capture, after all, they are searching everywhere for youkai. To make matters worse, the seasons are changing and resources will indeed run scarce.

It isn't only the seasons and my worries that have been eating at me, its the fact that Reimu seems to be no longer human, rather, it seems she has become a youkai or, at least a hanyo. To some extent, this is good, as Reimu wouldn't have to be separated from Yukari but, on the other hand, who knows what they might do to youkai children or hanyo. My suspicions are reasonable, as Reimu is not as fragile as most human toddlers. She was once, when she lost her ability to walk, but not, it seemed, she cannot get even a simple concussion, let alone a bruise. However, when she became paralyzed, that fall should have killed her, her being so small, so I could be wrong in my earlier assumption. The good news is that, if we become captured, Reimu wouldn't be separated from Yukari but that bad news is that we don't know what they will do to any youkai or hanyo children they find. If I suggested that we leave Reimu with humans, Yukari would have a fit and would likely opt to kill herself but that wouldn't be without taking Reimu with her. Ran did tell me that Yukari will have committed suicide with Reimu, who was then only a year and half old, just to keep her from being taken away from her. Besides, if I dared to mention leaving Reimu with humans, Yuuka and Ran will be quick to protest no matter how rational it sounds, stating it would be best to keep the children together, and Chen would be quick to mow my ass grass (she stated "my ass is fucking grass"). It wouldn't have mattered what we did, damned if we did and damned if we don't. Still, I couldn't help but to resent that little child with princess curls of white.

* * *

 

_Winter comes harshly_   
_Our trees our evergreens, safe for now_   
_I do hope_

_But resources are starting to run out_


	44. Early Preludes to a New Winter of Sorrow

To much surprise on the first snowy day of winter, Yukari pulled out some of my hair and ate it and, judging by a few bald patches in her head, I would say she has been eating hair. Her reason for doing so would be fairly justified, being that there isn't much food during the times of cold and she was trying to conserve food for the rest of us but you'd think she'd pick something a tad more decent to eat. Of course, the enokitake mushrooms that grow in this area were all picked and so far she doesn't seem to be too fond of mulberries. However, she is probably getting to the point of hibernation and it has driven a tad off the edge as to speak so her behavior may be tied to that, after all, Ran has often spoke of Yukari behaving strangely around time of hibernation so eating hair is maybe one of those things. Though, whether that be the case or not, I felt it would be well within my right to slap her and, as to be expected, I was slapped in return.

As for the children, they seemed to enjoy the snow, not at all being too bothered with it, aside from the fact it felt freezing to them. Eirin was quite bothered and she's become quite bitter, finding amusement in the fact I was minus some of my hair. Naturally, I was not insulted and told her, "At least, I have hair, you stupid bitch." We spent the rest of the hour calling each other bitch, until she slapped me and I returned with a clout, leaving her cheek swollen and bruised. We left each other alone for the remainder of the day.

When the winter came, it seems Suika has disappeared. Odd, I do wonder where on earth has that drunkard run off to. Hmm, she likely went off to find us a new home, although there is no telling of when she may return, if she does. On the third day of winter, Eirin disappeared. I went searching for her but only found some trails of blood and a bloodied scalpel. I followed the trail and found her, lying limply. She wasn't dead but most certainly wished she was, affirmatively answering, "Is it wrong to want to feel death, even though if one cannot experience it?" If she hadn't have cut one of her arteries, she will have lived but, instead, she wanted to die that badly. As she bled out, I informed her that she really was dying. She went out with quite a smile, satisfied that she could die after all. Her ever so willingness to die overrode her immortality, effectively granting her wish. For a person like her, death was indeed a sweet release.

Still, Yukari didn't go to sleep for the winter, rather, she stayed awake, something on the radio had caught her attention.

* * *

 

_Say it isn't_   
_so! We cannot flee, where would we_   
_go?_

_It's snowing and there isn't much places to go_

_We may die if we flee!_

 


	45. There is Hope

I wept bitterly at hearing the news from the radio. They were closing in on us and it was us specifically because they mentioned a white haired girl had gone missing, claiming she was stolen by youkai, and they were searching for her and the youkai that "stole" her. I'll let this be known: I have not stolen anything. We could flee but winter has just begun and we may die if we flee, also, where will we run to? There is really nowhere for us to go. Slowly, I put the pieces further together and everything else was building up to this point. First, Sanae's death, then Kanako's vanishing, then Reimu's cries, then Suika's departure, and then Eirin's suicide. My lip trembled and I felt the world collapsing. My fragile sanity was already once again starting to fall apart. There is no other white-haired child fitting that description, meaning someone had to have made note of our disappearance.

My weeping called to attention of the other youkai and I voiced my concern. Everyone was horrified and once again we were not safe. When Satori suggested we flee, I explained to her that we may die if we do so because winter had just begun and that there is really nowhere for us to go. Yuuka did bring up the fact that wherever we flee to, should we decide to at all, may not accommodate all of us, leaving us trapped. If were to flee, we would have to separate and we would be given a choice. I counted all of the children there were and found there were six, so that meant there were six full-grown youkai and five child youkai and one human child. When I made not of that, Yuuka pointed out that I made an error and stated that Reimu may no longer be human, rather she may be a youkai or, to the least, a hanyo, thus that made six youkai children. I promptly asked what made them assume that, Yuuka pointed out that she is exhibiting traits of either one but she is no longer human either way and she also pointed out that the fall that rendered her crippled should have killed her, a ** _normal_**  toddler and quite a small one (Reimu was smaller than most toddlers), something Eirin neglected to mention before she died. I burst into tears, only, I didn't know what it was I was crying about.

The next day, after a sleepless night, I didn't bother to arise from bed. I was so upset and was overcome with despair. I didn't know if I wanted to sleep or just simply die. I remained like that for most of the day, until Chen came in and lightly rested her head on my forehead and touched my face, saying, "Don't cry, Yukari, we love you and everything'll be alright, there is hope and we still have each other." At that moment, I was pulled out of my despair. As I closed my eyes, I asked Chen to sing me song, to which she complied.

_There really is hope..._

* * *

_Large sugar piles_   
_The snow looks so much like sugar_   
_It really does_

_Don't you suppose, little ones?_

 


	46. Sugar Piles

I watched in silence as Chen comforted Yukari. Chen has always been a loyal shikigami, determined to keep us happy, be it if she is often disobedient and often caused trouble. She loved us both, so I don't blame her for wanting to be with Yukari, not at all. In all of this hell and uncertainty, we need to comfort each other and woe betide us if we don't. In light of Eirin's surprise death, I feel quite terrible for treating her rather harshly and saying such horrible things to her. What makes me feel worse is the fact that she wanted to die so badly that she lost her immortality. Then again, I feel a bit angry at Eirin for making me feel this way. Its just grief and anger. I feel sad for being so terrible to her but, then again, I feel angry at her for dying.

In my anger and regret, I noticed how the snow looked like large piles of sugar. Strange. I wondered why it was I was thinking about sugar piles. Apparently, it was a coping mechanism to think about something pleasant in an otherwise unpleasant and uncertain world. I turned to my pups and asked what did they think. They looked at me and one promptly hiccupped. I couldn't help but to chuckle since they are barely familiar with the world and have hardly any clue what sugar was. In chuckling, I started to laugh at the very thought of snow looking like sugar. I guess this Eirin's, wherever she is, way of cheering me up.

_Eirin, wherever you are, I thank you for that._

* * *

  
_Winter is ending_   
_And, moving day is here but, will we split_   
_Or stay together._


	47. Moving Day

As winter ends, thank heavens, moving day comes. In the event of moving day, Suika finally comes back, only drunker than ever. She told us news and explained that she had a secret. Frankly, I couldn't help but to wonder what it was and then I remembered that Suika said something about lighting a house on fire. To all of us, on moving day, she explained that she had lit a house because she was afraid of being revealed as not only a youkai but a thief. Yukari was anything but surprised, rather she was displeased. She pointed to Suika and asked, "Did you light any more houses ablaze?" Suika looked up briefly and said, "No." Yukari gave her such a clout and asked again, to which Suika said, "Would I lie?" That made Yukari clout her again and say, "Those horrible people had better not have tracked you here, drunkard." Crumbs! I wonder if the youkai hunters have caught tracked her here. Hmm, then again, that would be impossible as Suika can change her density and make herself a floating cloud of mist or smoke but still, I am pretty sure someone would suppose that is unusual. Either way, we'll be damned if they dared to track her here. Yukari's amber eyes did look up at the trees, to the barely visible sky, focusing on shadows. After doing that for a bit, she said, "Let's hurry but stay down and under the cover.

We traveled all day and as far as we really could. The babies were screaming, Ran, the poor dear, trying to keep them quiet. Of course, travelling had awakened them and they were duly upset. Reimu was no better, actually, she seemed to scream so loudly that it seemed her screams would cause an avalanche. Fortunately, she did eventually stop screaming and had fallen asleep, as did the rest. Needless to say, the trip wasn't easy on any of us. Yukari's maxed out her limit and started to vomit, causing her to slow down a bit. I had never seen a youkai so overexerted as she was but, then again, in times like these, she may as well be. Once we reached a place where we felt safe, we stopped, Yukari wiping the vomit from her mouth. Frankly, I couldn't help but to find it peculiarly odd that she vomited when she hasn't even very much of anything and, after thinking quite so about it, I had come to the prompt realization that Yukari was vomiting no more that stomach acid and bile.

We needed a long rest but, being this as we may, we had to think of what we were to do and that involved whether or not we were to split or stay joined.

* * *

 

_Wish I may_   
_Wish I might, I wish that we stay together_   
_Day and night_

 


	48. Ran's Worries

Once we were settled in, Yukari mustered up enough of what strength she had to say what she wanted to. She announced that we may have to split to much of Chen's inherent upset. I didn't want to split with the rest of the group either on the grounds that we had to split before and, ever since Eirin's death, I think it is best that we stay together. Of course, due to the circumstances and the fact that the stakes have gotten higher, splitting may be our only option but there is a sure good chance that we may never see each other again, actually, there is a pretty good chance that some of us may not even survive to the end of this coming spring. As for my new lover, I doubt I will ever see him again, leaving our romance abruptly ended. Although, he may have died anyhow during the winter. We were a long ways off from where we were before and there was no turning back. Eventually, we'd run out of places to run to.

In light of the fact that we had walked a great distance, I couldn't help but to worry about Yukari, after all it seemed she had pushed herself to her max and probably wasn't at all used to traveling this far and not at this altitude nor on this particular kind of path, especially on foot (she mostly gaps to hard to navigate places like these) and travelling on foot is even harder for her because of her bum leg. If they were to capture us, Yukari would once again sacrifice herself to keep us from getting caught. I can't bare that thought and the memory that surrounds it.

_"Right now, I need you all to be brave and, Ran, take care of Reimu and Chen. When I gap you, I need you all to run and don't ever look or come back..."_

* * *

  
_Leave me please!_   
_You must escape, you must live, as_   
_I will hinder_

_This is my final sacrifice._


	49. Yukari's Sacrifice

That night, as we debated, Suika started to say, she heard a strange noise, something like a "chop-chop-chop", like horses in the sky. I laughed at first but I stopped. There really was chop-chop-chop sound in the sky and it didn't sound like a horse (which go clippity-clop), actually, it sounded like what Suika taught us about. It stopped but then it started again, Suika saying something about light. The next thing I heard was Yukari's voice saying, "RUN!" I don't remember much else but I do remember Ran begging Yukari to come with us. Everything seemed like a really bad dream and Yukari was begging us to leave her behind saying, "This if my final sacrifice, Ran! I cannot keep running and neither can I go with you, just leave me here and go and escape." I couldn't believe what I've heard! We are family and family do not leave each other behind, even if it is to ensure each other's safety.

As I stood there listening, Yuuka picked me up and said, "Sweetheart, we have to go now!" Cradling me in her arms, she ran as fast and as far as she could go, Ran and Yukari's voices fading in the background. It had just occured to me that Reimu wasn't with us. What happened to her, Ran, my little sisters, and Yukari, Suika, and the others? Will we see them again?

* * *

  
_Is that so?_   
_Yes, it is so, I, Rumia will_   
_tell a story_

_But, Rumia is all alone_

_Is that so?_

_Yes, that is_


	50. Rumia is All Alone

The bad people came and now I am all alone. Where did everyone go? They're not hiding and this isn't hide and seek. Maybe the bad people got them. I have to find Yuuka but where is she? I have to find Yuuka, I know I have to. It's too dark to see anything really and its too cold. Hmmph! I'm scared and its cold and its too dark and I'm all alone. I looked everywhere and I can't find Yuuka or Chen or Reimu or Ran or Suika or Yukari or anybody. I don't like it here and I wish I was home. I looked all over the place but I could never find Yuuka.

I never stopped searching, even as I ventured to the white-blue void. I never found her.

_I'm all alone._

* * *

  
_No...no ...more_   
_Chen, no more, oh, no more_   
_No more,...Chen_


	51. No more, Chen

After walking a bit more, we made it to a thicket. By this point, I had grown so tired, so...so...tired of running. I had uprooted my entire life to evade capture and now I find it is rather pointless. Those blessed youkai hunters! I've tried to put a nice face but this is a time I can't. I can't even be strong for Chen and, frankly, I doubt I can remain with her anymore. I've lost all hope and I cannot go on any longer. For all I know, Ran, Yukari, Reimu, the babies, Suika, and all the others may as well be captured by those blessed youkai hunters. To much dread, my dress is spoiled and ragged and I have very little protection from the cold.

As the sun was starting to peek up and just as it was starting go down, I got up, dusted my dress off, tried to pull up my stockings, and said, "Alright, Chen, I need you to stay put." She jumped in surprise and asked, "Where are you going?" I sighed and said, "Oh, I'll come back." She sniffed and said, "Stay here, with me, I don't want to be alone!"

"Now, now, dear, you mustn't make a fuss, you must be brave and I need you to stay here."

"Please!"

"No more,...Chen, no, no, no more...I need you to stay here and here is where you'll stay."

"Why won't you stay with me, you stupid bitch?!"

"Don't you  _dare_  shout at me and don't you call me a "stupid bitch". My decision is final and I will come back, you just stay put. Just because times are hard, doesn't mean you should forget your manners."

I slapped her on the cheek before planting a kiss on her head before heading off. I felt awful about lying to her and she knew I was lying. I was leaving her there and I won't come back, rather, I don't think I'll be going much of anywhere. I've lost all hope. _I'm sorry, Chen, I'm so sorry, please forgive me._  As I walked further and further and further away, some part of me wanted to return for her but I knew it was best if I did not. I do quite hope she forgives me, although I would much rather not forgive myself. Frankly, I do hope she'll be alright and Rumia, Rumia, too.

* * *

  
_Walls of white_   
_Such bright lights here, I don't like_   
_this place with_

_Walls of white_


	52. Walls of White and Tears of Blood

I awoke in a room with walls of white, something almost like a room in asylum. My medium length white hair was frazzled and I had a splitting headache. What happened not that long ago seemed like a fuzzy dream at first but, then, it suddenly became real. Apparently, we had been captured and seperated, being held in some kind of facility. Soon, tears of blood started rolling down my cheeks and onto the marble white floor. I wasn't too far away from bending the borders between life and death as a attempt to end my life because I didn't just want to live anymore. I was done, that was it, done. If they are going to kill me, they may as well do so now, I won't put up any fight.

As I sat there, silently weeping, I heard a small child's voice say,  _"Yukari, you must live..._ _ **for us**_ _..."_  Soon, I started to hear other familiar voices and felt many pairs of arms wrap around me in a warm embrace. All of those that had died were pushing me to live, to hold onto a promise I made.

There really is hope and I will get us out of here

* * *

  
_Eirin is that_   
_you? I cannot see but are you a_   
_ghost?_


	53. We Came Home

I knew she wasn't coming back and she never will. She left me all alone but I can't help but to wonder where she had gone. I want to go and find her but I doubt I would and it wouldn't really do any good, as I'm blind. I sat there for over an hour, crying. I was still crying before I heard a familiar voice, saying, "There, there, Chen, I'll keep you safe." I stopped crying and found myself being comforted by Eirin's ghost. She had died over a few days ago, earning a little place in the stars, as Yukari had told me. I sniffed and told her I wish I was Yukari and the others. I felt her hand take mine and we left that thicket.

As we wandered around, we found Rumia and that bundle of Yukari's knitting and sewings but we never found Yuuka. I doubt we would ever find her. I guess she was captured or, rather, she had left me alone so she could go off some place and die. I recalled that we had travelled quite a great distance, traveling so much that I could feel the very lights of Tokyo. After awhile of walking and stowing away on boats, I felt we were close to home but some part of me felt very sad. It was just I, Rumia, and Eirin's ghost. There was no Yukari, Ran, Reimu, Koishi, Satori, Yuuka, Suika, or anyone else we ever knew, it was just us and we were alone. I held Eirin's cold hand tighter and asked her to bring us home, back to our house, back to where you once were before all of this. I just wanted to go home.

She walked us back to the house we were forced to leave behind. We crawled through the cat hole, Eirin going through the door. We went to my room and wrapped ourselves in a blanket.

_We came home._

* * *

  
_My little babies!_   
_Where are they and what have you_   
_done with them?_

_Please, they're my babies and they need their mother!_

_Please give them back to me_


	54. Memories, Separations, and a Bloodied Room

After being forced into a very bright room, I was separated from my babies. Of all the things that had happened to me and not knowing what had happened to Chen and Yuuka, I found this to be the worst. My babies still need their mother and I have no clue what they are to do them. I could only imagine what separation from their mother is doing them and, to make it worse, I heard them whimpering for me. I was separated not only from them but from Reimu. She was the first they managed to snag, made worse by the fact she couldn't even run away. I could only imagine what horror she could be feeling and what they may do to her, being that she is no longer a human child. If hadn't have been so negligent and resentful of her, she wouldn't have lost the use of her legs and thus she would have been able to run away. It's my fault she was captured because I allowed her to become injured.

Being separated from my babies started to drive me insane, causing me to bang on that metal door with all my might to the point my hands were bloody. I kicked the door the same might but ended with same result. It seemed they couldn't hear me or, rather, they were ignoring me. Eventually, I screamed at the very top of my lungs and that proved futile. After several hours, I just opted for scrawling messages on the wall in my blood. In sitting in my bloody room, I couldn't help but to wonder if Chen and Rumia are alright. In thinking about them, I had a feeling they were, at least for now. A tear rolled down my cheek and soon a couple of memories came passing by

* * *

_"Really, is that really the end, Ran-shama?"_

_"Yes, dear, that is really the end of Hachisuke and the White Fox."_

_"It sounded really sad."_

_"Yes, I suppose it is rather sad but life cannot be all happy endings, dear."_

_"I see. Did your life have a happy ending, Ran-shama."_

_"Huh, I never really quite thought about it, I suppose it does, whatever your definition of a "happy ending "is."_

* * *

_"You were really all alone, Yukari-shama?"_

_"Yes, dear, and I was smaller than you are now."_

_"Will we be together forever, Yukari-shama?"_

_"..."_

_"Yukari-shama?"_

_"Oh, dear, I cannot really say forever but I will stay with you for as long as I really live and for as long as I live, we'll always be together."_

_"I love you, Yukari-shama."_

_"I love you, too, Ran."_

_"We're a family, aren't we, Yukari-shama?"_

_"Yes, yes, dear, I suppose we are."_

* * *

  
_It's Suika's turn_  
 _To tell one side of a story because I have something_  
 _to say, too_

 


	55. Alone and Sober

I don't really like this place and I don't like being sober. The other oni would laugh at me for something like this but, then again, what the hell happened?! First there was "chop-chop-chop-chop" sound and then I am in here with a bright lights and no booze. Actually, it is more than that, I am alone and being alone is worse than being sober, a helluva lot worse. If I am going to be sober, I may as well have company, at least that is what Yuugi will have said. Of course, Yuugi isn't here and won't be, not now, not ever, although, she is in a far better place, some place that isn't hell, this place is hell and where she is isn't. I wish Reimu were here with me, then I wouldn't be alone. Reimu is my best friend and is more than willing to keep me company, even if she is age-regressed. Toddlers are funny, aren't they? She likes me a whole lot and likes to climb on me but she isn't here to do that. They had better not hurt Reimu. They can beat the hell out of me but they will sure as holy hell not lay a finger on Reimu. If there is so much as one hair missing from Reimu's head, heads are going to roll and I am bringing all my peoples!

Nevertheless, I hate being alone and sober but I hate being alone the most. I sure hope everyone else is faring better than I am.

* * *

  
_The clock still_   
_goes on ticking, ticking away in the_   
_melancholic lonely darkness_

_Of an empty house_


	56. For once, there was a twinkle of light

We had spent about a few days in the house, listening to the clock tick away. There is nothing in the fridge for us to eat that isn't spoiled and rotten. Aside from Rumia, Eirin's ghost, and I, the house is empty and sad. It seems like only yesterday that we had left and, now, our house is empty as side from Rumia, Eirin's ghost, and I. Even though it would be likely that Rumia and Id would probably die here, we would die together and not alone. For some reason, though, I find that the emptiness of the house, the darkness, and the ticking clock to be conforting. At least, I still had my prized can of sardines. Maybe Rumia would like something to to eat, after all, neither of us had eaten in more than a few days. She hasn't said anything about being hungry. If she is, then she might not say anything.

After listening to the clock tick away for more than a few hours, Rumia poked me and asked, "Hey, Chen, what's it like to be blind?" I was a little surprised to be asked that, then again, Rumia is the youkai of darkness and being blind is very much living in a world of darkness. I told her pretty much what it was like to be blind and that it was like living in a world of darkness, a world of eternal darkness. By the sound of Rumia's sighs, she seemed to marvel at the thought of being blind. That was not at all startling to think of, being that whenever she cloaks herself in darkness, she cannot see and flies into trees and things. This is actually the very first time someone even asked what it is like to live in a world of darkness, what it is like to be blind. For a moment, I wish I could see once again.

_For once, there was a twinkle of light, within the darkness..._

* * *

  
_What is this?_   
_This isn't any sort of food_   
_I've heard of_

_At least, though, we'll have lunch together for once._


	57. Meeting at Meal Time

After spending a little while of time detained in those little rooms, they let us out into a much larger room with tables. I was informed that now was mealtime and it wasn't a nice one at that. However, I found comfort I was to be reunited with Ran and Yukari for a spell. After getting my tray of slop, I was took my seat amongst Ran, Yukari, and Suika. It has been more than a few days since I have last left Chen alone and went of to die, only to walk right into being captured. I wonder what became of Chen, really I do. Hopefully, she and Rumia, Rumia, too, are alright. Like myself, neither of them were really happy but they did show a bit of happiness to see me.

"So what's your story?" Suika asked, looking at her tray of slop. I explained that I had left Chen alone so I could go out and die, only to be captured and that I can understand if they can't forgive me. Ran told me she does, as it is better for Chen to not to be captured. I asked her if she was still with her babies, to which she said, "No, they've taken them away from me and they've also taken Reimu, too." Suika chimed in, "Uh-huh and I have no booze." Yukari, unsurprisingly, remained silent

"Where do you think they've taken the children?"

"I don't know and I can only imagine what horror they could putting them in."

"If they do harm to Reimu, heads are gonna roll and this food is crap."

"That is what I'm also worried about because they've already imprisoned us and whose to say they won't do far worse to any youkai or hanyo children."

"I am quite sure they are alright, hopefully."

" ** _Hopefully?!_**  Yuuka, are you out of your mind? Those bastards have already captured us, put us separate white rooms, and are now feeding us crap, so now you want to say "hopefully" in light of all that has happened?! Yuuka, drop the charade, we all know you are just as broken as we are and, frankly, right about now, I think death would be nice because this place is hell. At least, Yuugi isn't where we are."

"Yes, yes, dear, at least she isn't here but she wouldn't like to see you this upset, don't you think, eh, now, ducks?"

"I suppose you are right, we have to at least confide in each other."

"I'll tell you what I'll confide in you guys and that is this food is sucks and I'm not going to be eating crap."

"At least, we are getting fed at all, be it if is once a day, at noon."

"Screw you!"

"Suika."

"Well, then, just because you are angry and upset, doesn't mean you must lose your manners."

Suika promptly took her tray of slop and flung it to the floor, plunging the room into silence. For a moment, as she was breathing heavy breaths, a satisfied look had crossed her face. She seemed to be satisfied that she thrown that tray of slop onto the floor. The room was silent for a moment, until I broke the silence, asking, "What in good heavens has possessed you to throw that tray onto the floor?" She surprised us, she really had. Usually, Suika is like a child and usually is such a rowdy but quite a gentle soul but something in her snapped, today. It seemed she was trying to tell us send us a message about something, whatever it be. For a split moment, she started to laugh, cackling almost like a madwoman, before turning to snatch at my tray. I had promptly slapped her and insisted she behave in the proper manner at the table. She sat down after but that was not without taking Yukari's tray and hurling it across the room.

From across the room, I heard Koishi say, in a monotonous voice, "Great, now we're not going to get food tomorrow." I didn't know how right she was. When they let us out into the food area, we were just to sit, no lunch. Suika still seemed to be satisfied. Apparently, she knew something we didn't and wasn't letting us in on it. Whatever she knew it was best she didn't let any one of us in one it, as what she knew could get any of us killed. Though, I couldn't help but to find Koishi's monotone "I hate you, Suika." humorous.

* * *

_No lunch, today_   
_No lunch tomorrow either, hmm,_   
_what is tomorrow?_

_I don't know_

 


	58. Defiance

The next day at noon, we were still sent out into the serving area and still we didn't have any food. By this point, I really didn't care, though, I will have like to eat my tray of crap because I haven't eaten in awhile, then again, on the other hand, I probably will not have wanted to eat it, on the grounds, that I had vomited some time ago earlier. Apparently, within these maddening walls of white, I was losing my sense of time. I didn't even know what day it was nor what time it was precisely, besides it had to be noon, as lunch always occurs at twelve and an alarm would go off to tell us it was time to go back to our rooms, so, aside from that, I never really knew what time it was, as there were no clocks to be seen. Also, aside from mealtime, I never seemed to realize what time of day it had to be because we had no windows. It would do no good asking because it is likely no one else knew. I could gap myself out but, in this case, I'd rather not, on the grounds that they would notice. After a bit of thinking, I came to the conclusion it had to be a reason for this. Suika would never disclose her suspiscions about what was going on but, noting her behaviour before, two days ago, she was subtly trying to tell us.

After thinking a great deal about it, I screamed when I had come to the revelation. They were trying to drive us insane as a way of controlling us and it was being broken down into easier ways to do so. First, they separate us and place us white rooms, then they take away some sort of comforts, like clocks, windows, and calendars, as well as quality food and only feeding us once per day, and then denying us food, like they are now, as punishment for Suika's defiance. Suika really had caught onto something and was being defiant, rather than submit, which made me afraid and I had reason to be. This place is a like a draconian asylum, the sort that people were terrified to go to, and what they tend to do in those places when a patient dares to be defiant, especially as defiant as Suika, is lobotimize them. When I started to voice my concerns and suspicions to Yuuka, she shoved my head under the table and, while placing hers underneath, too, she whispered, "Shut-up, you're going to get us all killed, what you speak of must not be discussed openly!" She let me go and slapped me rather hard on the cheek, saying, rapidly, "Never again, never again, never again!"

I knew what was going on but I had to keep it a secret for their sake. The secrets Suika and I knew were not to be shared, lest they really will kill us all. Though, I can only hope that Reimu and the babies are safe but, then again, they could be faring much worse.

The next day, we were gathered again to be fed and, this time, I threw my own tray of food and, for good measure, I had sent it flying towards the Koishi, who reacted in her usual monotone, "Oh no." The next day we got no lunch and wouldn't get any for the next few days either. Like Suika, I felt satisfied.

* * *

_It's raining, outside_   
_I can hear the raindrops go plip-plop_   
_A nice sound_

_Also a sad sound_

_They are crying today_

 


	59. We were crying today

I remembered what Yukari said about rain and she said that when it rains it means people that have passed on are crying and their tears are raining down. With warm air blowing through the cracks of the windows and hearing the sound of soft rains, I knew it to be the begining of spring. I doubt either of us will live to the end of it. I felt hungry and yearning to go outside, just once, but the fear of being captured and possibly killed kept me inside. I was also afraid of being alone and had no one else to cling to. My clothe's barely clung to my thinning frame and it was harder to keep my eyes open, which didn't matter because my eyes were bandaged and I am blind so there really isn't anything to for me see, except for the flowers to bloom.

After a few days, I decided to go outside, just once, to feel those teardops from the sky on my face. In the end, I could never tell those tears from my own.

_We were crying today._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fret not dear readers, the story will continue in an upcoming Gensokyo 20XXII: Imprisonment, Secrets, Sacrifice, Sorrow, and Freedom


End file.
